Pardon you!

People are way to outspoken sometimes. Just shut your mouth and mind your own freaking business. I hate working in an office setting because you hear things you don't want to hear and people hear things you try to keep quiet. Where did my privacy go? Not behind that cube wall--oh wait! I don't even have a wall, I have a table. Where did everyone's manners go, out their mouth with all their opinions...I think. Sometimes I just want to take my hand and slap them a new one. Whew that felt good. One piece of advice-cube or not; please keep your opinions, thoughts, and words to yourself unless otherwise asked for. This doesn't just stay in the office...this goes beyond the building. Life is hard. It hurts, knocks you down, breaks your heart, and we are all trying really hard to catch a break. I don't need someone to tell me how to feel, what to say, or who to thank. I am woman. I am an adult and I deserve to be respected (I will give it in return). Please and Thank You.

Plan-less..if that is even a word.

More often than not, things don't turn out the way you planned. You can plan out your life, plan out your month, or even your day and something always ends up changing. It's inevitable. Well I queen of planning, always had an agenda. I have had a plan for everything since I was in junior high. I did everything right. I finished school , got the scholarship, went to the college of my dreams, met some incredible people, majored in the area I had always been interested in, and graduated with a great GPA and hope for the future! Where do I stand? Now, I am plan-less. It seems funny sometimes when I think about myself and what I should be doing that I am not doing. I don't know where I lost my "plans" for the after college life, but something must be done. I always feel better when I have goals to reach and things to look forward to. I guess in junior high, that stopped at college graduation. But, now that I am a college graduate, I need something else to look forward to. So I am going to devise a plan of attack. Starting with saving money for a car. I need a purposeful budget plan. Bullet is going to fall apart. While I am doing this, I also need to be working on mending my relationships with certain people. I used to feel so carefree and alive, and it is probably just part of the growing up process, but I feel lifeless inside sometimes and that is never going to be ok with me! I have too much going for me and have come too far to let situations drag me down. So as I am working on my budget and mending my heart....what will you be working on?

Eat. Pray. Love

This movie was so eye-opening and got me thinking about my struggles compared to other womens’ struggles. What I have concluded is that we all cry about that same relationship. We all laugh about that same joke…and we all (most certainly) gripe about that last hundred calories we ate. But, Liz (Julia Roberts) said—just eat your pizza…then go buy bigger pants. Her point in this statement was that she, (Liz) had lost her “appetite” for life and she was not going to let the worry of gaining a few pounds stop her from enjoying her little slice of heaven! I believe this is the same mentality we should take on for a few weeks and try to “find ourselves” again. Do whatever makes YOU happy. Go wherever you feel like going. Take a nap, eat a cookie or three, wear your hair down-just take a step back and look at the life you lead. Is it where you wanted to be? Do the people around you feel your love for them? Are you really living…




I know this is a lot to consume in one blog post…and this is the way my brain thinks at all times. So I, for one, am going to stop over-thinking, analyzing, and doing, and start slowing down. Create a goal for yourself and follow through this week. "Just Do It."

Unwanted thoughts

Realization #9: In the words of Eminem (white, bad boy , rapper) "I'm cleaning out my closet." This is a synonym for my life right now. Although I literally cleaned my closet out last night. I thought if I actually did what I said I was going to do, I would get some sense of pride. I had been telling myself I was going to go through some old stuff and start fresh. Well...I am still left with the same stuff I started with (minus 60 items and a big black trash bag full of junk) but it is LESS junk and easier to manage. I think this is how I should start picturing my brain. I pile, toss, cram, and stuff things into my head all day, every day. Especially these last four years, which I will miss. But now, I have no class to attend, no presentations to give, no paper to write, and no tests to study for. So what does my brain do now? I'll tell you what it did do...it crashed. I blame not having to use it lately. But whatever the case may be, it went crazy. Thoughts were running through my head, and I mean crazy thoughts. I was usually pissed and just plain ridiculous. Last night, as I was ripping things off my shelves and throwing them into a pile I was thinking to myself...this is what my brain needs. A recycle bin. Kind of like on this computer. When you want to delete something it goes right into the bin. Well that is where these distracting thoughts, feelings, and nagativeNESS is going. Less junk. Easier to manage.

Land of the Free...Home of the ____??

Realization #8: You MUST know someone to get ahead. And even sometimes that doesn’t help. I don’t understand the point of getting somewhere using your own two feet if that option doesn’t exist anymore. What happened to getting a job just because you were qualified to do it... or, getting into a doctor’s office just because you were a paying customer? Now everyone needs a favor. What are you going to do for me/If I do something for you? I am fed up! Ok, no one owes you anything. If you can’t figure something out for yourself then that is TOO bad for you. Never in a million years did I think I’d see the day where I was giving up on things I used to think were important, because “fairness and equality” no longer exist. There was a reason to declare our independence. Can we uphold that America?

Boys of fall...

Push on. Well, that is going on a post it! After today was all said and done, I can honestly say I am so proud of myself (for lots of reasons, but mostly because I have learned to control my emotions). Jen and I were talking earlier about how “sucky” and unfair life can be at times. You get bad news and it feels like someone just threw you down on the ground. While you’re down…you get more bad news and it is like a 2nd party has come in and smashed your pretty little face with their boot. Hard. I am surprisingly ok with the “bad” news I have come across today. It seems to have upset everyone else that had been pulling for me a lot more than it did me. I am taking a time out to say THANK YOU to all my close friends/family that have supported me through this craziness. I love you all :)


Side note: So ready for Football!!!!!!!!!

Post it.

I have a great idea, well a stolen idea, but an idea anyway. I am going to start writing really great things about myself on post-its reminding me to follow through...and then "post" them in places I see or visit often. Example: the one I made (literally 8 minutes ago) says "show the world your creativity." And since I haven't--lately--been able to create anything, I need a reminder. I feel robotic most days. It is the routine I have gotten myself into lately...and I want out! I am actually kicking and screaming my way out. My spirit is kinda broken----and so here goes the idea of believeing in myself. Believing  I can do antyhing, because I really can. Believing I have really great things to show the world, because I really do. Putting them on my bathroom mirror, steering wheel, jewelry box, and my wallet would be the best options. Wait! That sounds funny. Not that I spend most of my time looking at myself, driving, accessorizing, and spending money...but it is where I find myself the most often (weird now that I think about it). I challenge you to do the same thing and remembering that your happiness is everything. Major shout out to Elle, for reminding me that whining is NOT sexy. Oh and that I am a badass. A badass that is gonna be reminded everyday, thanks to her colored post-it-notes.

Reasoning

Realization # 7: Don’t sweat the small stuff…or the big stuff (I guess). I wish I could wrap my brain around that little “things happen for a reason” mentality. I am just not convinced that it does. I mean there are little things, indeed, that happen everyday that are for a reason but don’t you make those kinds of decisions? Some people want to go to school and just don’t have the money so they have to have 13 jobs to make ends meet? Tell me how that is fair or what the reason is behind it? Or why people die of cancer in a matter of days because they never knew about it? All of this “happening for a reason” is bogus to me. You work hard, and you get what you get. When you finally have it, you deal with it. You do the best you can or you change it. I am a believer in reality and the truth. Don’t get me wrong, God is up there looking down on me right now, probably saying, or trying to say, something inspirational to get me through this. I just don’t know what it is yet…I guess it is probably “Brittany, things are happening for a reason.”

4 thoughts...

As of right now, I do not or have not had a realization. So I am just going to spill my guts on paper. 1. Where is October? I don’t think it could get here fast enough. I started thinking about the fall weather as I was trying to curl my hair. My lifeless hair. I am trying to get it to do something awesome, instead it looks like a fluffy mess. I hope the lady I am meeting with today will understand my situation. I know she is going to be looking right at my hair the whole time and probably not focusing on what I have to say. I understand though—there is something appealing about weird crazy hair especially on someone you’ve never met. 2. While I am writing this I am listening to random rap songs. I don’t want to admit this, but there is something really consuming about them. Rap is the only genre of music that gets a lot of criticism daily. The lyrics, the writers, and the lifestyles "they" (Lil’ Wayne) promote…but you know what? They are doing their thing, and I like it. Listen if you dare :) 3. The Bachelor is coming out with a “new” show (not really that new of a concept) that will have past rejected contestants on ABC to “fight”AKA- lie, to win 250,000 dollars. During this process, they are allowed to hook up with each other and try to find love. Now, if you begin watching this, do solemnly swear that you will not try any of this kind of behavior in your own life. Please. What you see on TV, should stay on TV. 4. When life throws you an opportunity, go and do it…but, only if it is thrown.

Nothing is "free"

Realization #6: I understand wanting to save money...what about saving your sanity? Tax Free weekend or whatever is really the biggest rip off there is. Let me explain myself. Ok so you get out in this torn up town we call Tulsa due to construction on every road bypassing orange barrels and signs for miles, and then you come to the beloved store it took you 40 minutes to get to. You cannot find a freakin' parking spot so you drive around and round in circles until something opens up 5.4 miles away. You go in, fight the crowds of people and search through destroyed aisles, racks, and tables for your size of something that is on sale. What you really don't know is that the store had marked the prices up before this "special" weekend so you end of paying the same amount you would on any other day. You can't find your size and just start to get aggravated so you begin picking things up for other people, just wanting to get that deal! Once you get up to the counter, the woman says that'll be 76.94 with tax. You are thinking...what! I came to this store to get a deal and I end up spending 77 dollars tax included? The lady slowly replies back, trying not to piss you off, ma'am our store isn't participating in the tax free promotion. You really just want to hit her right in the face and say "you should've had a sign!" So you either (like me) buy the crap anyway because you are already there or you say to yourself-screw this. Walk away from the store and cry in the car all the way back to your house. With that being said, I leave you with this...there are only two emotions on Tax Free days. Pissed or so pissed you want to cry. My sanity has been taunted with and tested these last couple of years...I blame college. And my point is that I have realized it is to sacred to go messing around with. Let me save you the heartache and hard emotion and tell you to just skip shopping this weekend. Your family, children, and facebook will appreciate it.

Don't be a let down

Realization #5: People will dissapoint you. I mean all people. Even ones that are really close to you. Even if you never tell them outloud that they did, it's still dissapointment. I think that it's the worst feeling to be be let down by someone you really love...and I am gonna start paying close attention to my actions towards others. After I started writing this blog, I began paying a lot more attention to my life. Having to write about something I learn everyday makes me want to experience something great daily (or I will have nothing to write about). Speaking of something great...I will be lending a hand at the food Bank of Oklahoma today. Packing boxes of food for the hungry families around Tulsa is something great to me. I don't know if it is just me, but volunteering is a passion. I cannot describe to you how it makes me feel to know I did something to help in someone's life. It is never as big as donating millions of dollars to cancer, or supplying a nation with water that were thirsty, but when a mom can cook her children a meal at home, or a couple sweeps the tile floor in their new home built by H4H, I was a part of that. My advice to you is if you never have, get involved in one of the organizations in your area and do something "small" to help. Hey! School is even starting, go donate some supplies to a local school or classroom, the teachers will appreciate it! Believe me. Don't dissapoint me now, because as I said at the beginning of this post...it is the worst feeling to be let down.

Happy isn't the word for it :)

Realization #4: Creating an outlet to express my anger is the best idea I've ever followed through with. Keeping up with this blog/writing is a stress reliever. Well, my stress level really cannot compare to some, but I am tense. Not today though...guess what happened?!?!?! I got a call to interview Monday. Now for the sake of everything good, I am going to keep this under wraps until I am hired or have decided to take that next step. I do not want to jenks it. I got the call today (3rd day of positive thinking) while at work and silently screamed in shock. It isn't like I could stand up in my chair, but I felt like pulling a Tom Cruise and pretending I was on Oprah. So what else to do but call my momma, my close friends, and run over to the other side of the office and high-five my co-workers who have been patiently listening to me gripe all summer. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face and it is just now... starting to slowly fade. Not because I am unhappy, just because I do not think I can smile for another minute or my face may break. I can use computer emotions : ) My parents took me out for a celebratory dinner which consisted of a huge chicken sandwich and a peach/strawberry sangria...courtesy of Outback Steakhouse. As I sat there sipping my wine (essentially), I thought to myself "Yeah, I am blessed."

O is for organization

Realization #2: Organization is so important. Like so important, that if that is all you could say you offered, I’d be content with that. If you are ever asked to describe yourself in one word, use organized. Just my advice…but I think most of my advice should be quoted and hung in the “told you so” hall of fame. I am great at giving advice (my own opinion), but somehow I don’t or I really should say “haven’t” used my own advice in awhile. But I don’t need my own advice…I have Francesca Battestelli’s (singer/songwriter whom I adore). One of her songs goes something like this: “I’m letting go of the life I planned for me and my dreams, losing control of my destiny, it feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe so I’m letting go.” Being the lover of song and just really thinking lyrics know best, I have decided to fully let go of the life I had planned for me. I am letting go and letting GOD! Tonight, I felt pretty proud of the huge step I took. Huge for me…ok? I have revamped my Resume and feel like this new typed up piece of paper is going to land me a job! Do you see how positive I am being? I don’t really feel like begging for a job that makes 28,000 a year. No thanks…not for me. Sounds bratty, but let’s not forget how much I spent on that education. Or I will just inform you. $40 grand…out of pocket…a few scholarships but nothing to oooo and ahhh about. They could’ve done better. So, I am going to move on until it is my time to shine…oh wait…what am I saying? I shine all the time! And so my point or “realization” today about being organized and how it is so very important has come from sitting down and re-creating my resume again. Reading all of the things I have accomplished, have done, and aspire to be, is a confidence booster and all due to being organized! I look good on paper. Paper, that is nicely formatted and contains bullets for easy reading.

Problem = Me

Realization #1: I just realized today, and by that I mean…saying it out loud (literally out loud), that I am my own problem. As I sit in my air conditioned room writing my poor, poor story on my laptop, I think ha! I am such a loser. I complain about a lot of things, to the people I love the most, but I really have nothing to complain about. I remember back in college when “The Secret” became popular…Ya know that book that Oprah had on her book list that everyone went out and bought (which is a whole other issue of mine) and claimed incredibly life changing? Yea, I can admit the premise was appealing so I wanted to test it out. The author claimed that when you start thinking positively about things that come up in your life or lack there of…you reap the benefits. So, I thought what do I really have to lose besides my bad attitude?



For 1 whole week people, I thought the most positive thoughts I could. I wished well upon people and I can tell you in all seriousness, that the things that happened that week (although small) made me happy. I felt very inspired. Two years later, I don’t know where that thought process went to…probably out back with my give a shit and gratitude...with this being said, I will be tapping into this “secret” philosophy once more. I don’t have the energy or any more excuses to be pissed.



I am proclaiming to you and to God and to all people interested, as of August 3, 2010…I Brittany Sellers, will be acting my age. No more negativity, well because It didn’t get me anywhere. In the last year or so in the stress of becoming the adult I’ve always wanted to be, I lost what I stood for. I am not this person and I don’t like being around me anymore.

Freakin Out

So, I’ve been told, mainly by a family member, one single family member, that I should begin a blog or place to tell my story aka: struggle. Here goes nothing…being from a small town always seems to produce BIG dreams! Or so say the movies. I actually, as cliché as it seems, had a big dream! Not big in the financial area, not big in the impossible area, just a plan. A big plan that I’ve always wanted to work out and that I thought would always work out. To my surprise, plans are just a starting point. College was the first thing on the “To Do” list. And well…I graduated. That is all there is to say about that. Yes, I enjoyed every minute of it, I made some great friends, and wouldn’t change that experience for anything. May 8, 2010 was the best day of my life. I literally cannot describe to you how happy I was, because it might make you gag. It was just part of my “dream” coming true. I don’t know if I thought I would be parading around with a stamp on my forehead that said COLLEGE GRAD and everyone would be offering me jobs left and right, but no one cares if you graduated college. I spent my whole life wanting to get to college, graduate, and get that beloved teaching job? Thinking teaching jobs would never be in danger, because there are always children that must be taught right? Wrong. I got a slap in the face my senior year when I began my job search in March…still searching, calling, applying, calling, applying, begging, and there is no call backs, no positive feedback, no nothing. So my point for writing all of this is to really just let my frustration out. I am fed up with the economy (not just for me, but for everyone that is in my position), and I am constantly in a bad mood. I cannot blame anybody but myself, and if anything positive comes out of this, I hope it is a smile. I am tired of feeling like an emotional freak everyday.